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A Celebimal Safari!

The Henry Winklynx - Henry Winkler

Posted 16.07.2008 | 8:27 pm
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The Henry Winklynx - Henry Winkler

Directions: Click inside the box below and press Ctrl+A (Command+A on a Mac) on your keyboard to select all of the text. Then press Ctrl+C (Mac: Command+C) to copy the text below. Now go to the section of your profile and press Ctrl+V (Mac: Command+V) to paste it into your profile. Note: The picture will be smaller than the one above.

Daily Routines - The Henry Winklynx (Henry Winkler) engages in routine activities such as eating, hunting and saying “Ehhh.” His favorite activity is sun bathing, however if he stays in the sun for more than 20 minutes, his plastic hair will melt.

Hibernation Patterns - This species tends to hibernate every five years. He sometimes comes out of hibernation to make appearances at high school dances and your local Walmart.

Physical Attributes - His leather jacket allows him to jump 15 cars with his motorcycle. Scientists have concluded that his thumb has gone from a curvy “thumbs-up” motion, to a curled up knuckle that extends deep into his rectum.

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The Brigitte Nielsteer - Brigitte Nielsen

Posted 15.07.2008 | 10:06 pm
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The Brigitte Nielsteer - Brigitte Nielsen

Directions: Click inside the box below and press Ctrl+A (Command+A on a Mac) on your keyboard to select all of the text. Then press Ctrl+C (Mac: Command+C) to copy the text below. Now go to the section of your profile and press Ctrl+V (Mac: Command+V) to paste it into your profile. Note: The picture will be smaller than the one above.

Physical Features - Has comparable physical features to that of a Mack truck; she’s large, very loud and gives off a lot of gas.

Dietary Habits - The Brigitte Nielsteer (Brigitte Nielsen) loves to eat anything and everything. Careful folks, don’t look in her eyes, or else she will make you want 45 plastic surgeries in a month.

Mating Calls - Her resonating moos can be heard from miles away. She’s attracted both the Sylvester Stallion as well as the Flava Flamingo, which goes to show you that she is 100% aniwhore.

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The Weekly Villager Siting: Old Man Fights are Badass

Posted | 6:53 pm
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Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, children of all ages, you are about to witness one of the ugliest battles in the history of old people fights. In the red corner, standing at 5 foot 3, 178 pounds, the Show Stoppa, and self-proclaimed Bed-Wetter, Uncle Jose! In the blue corner, standing at 5 foot 6, 185 pounds, the Ladies Man, the man banned from bingo at his nursing home, Grandpa Ricardo! Ready, Set, FIGHT!

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The Brendan Frashrew - Brendan Fraser

Posted 14.07.2008 | 7:37 pm
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The Brendan Frashrew - Brendan Fraser

Directions: Click inside the box below and press Ctrl+A (Command+A on a Mac) on your keyboard to select all of the text. Then press Ctrl+C (Mac: Command+C) to copy the text below. Now go to the section of your profile and press Ctrl+V (Mac: Command+V) to paste it into your profile. Note: The picture will be smaller than the one above.

Videography - This critter has seen the cameras quite frequently. His most memorable nature films include Encino Man, Airheads and Bedazzled. His new film The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, reminds us that sometimes movies should not have sequels to sequels.

Wildlife Talents - Has plenty of talents such as scurrying, scavenging for food/screenplays and acting (which he hasn’t quite grasped yet).

Primal Instincts - The Brendan Frashrew’s (Brendan Fraser) most feared instinct is his sense of vision. It’s been rumored that if he see’s a shitty movie script coming, he will instantly want to act in it.

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The Alec Bald Eaglewin - Alec Baldwin

Posted 13.07.2008 | 10:07 pm
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The Alec Bald Eaglewin - Alec Baldwin

Directions: Click inside the box below and press Ctrl+A (Command+A on a Mac) on your keyboard to select all of the text. Then press Ctrl+C (Mac: Command+C) to copy the text below. Now go to the section of your profile and press Ctrl+V (Mac: Command+V) to paste it into your profile. Note: The picture will be smaller than the one above.

Habitat - This species has lived in many habitats, however his most recent living space is in the basement of the NBC building in New York City.

Physical Activities - Enjoys flying, clawing at other celebimals and loves being taken off the endangered species list. His favorite activity is hugging canteen boys, because he just can’t get enough of their innocence.

Primal Instincts - The Alec Bald Eaglewin (Alec Baldwin) is also sometimes referred to as the Televisionius Whoreoues & can often be heard leaving angry voicemail messagess for his daughter.

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Blast From The Past : The Gallaghapagos Turtle - Gallagher

Posted | 5:28 pm
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The Gallaghapagos Turtle - Gallagher

Directions: Click inside the box below and press Ctrl+A (Command+A on a Mac) on your keyboard to select all of the text. Then press Ctrl+C (Mac: Command+C) to copy the text below. Now go to the section of your profile and press Ctrl+V (Mac: Command+V) to paste it into your profile. Note: The picture will be smaller than the one above.

Physical Traits - The Gallaghapagos Turtle (Gallagher) is a very large specimen. His shell is lightweight and meant for him to have increase speed. However it is about as effective as outdated prop comedy.

Natural Abilities - Knows how to swing a hammer and crush fruit, mainly watermelons. He’s famous mostly for his ability to disappear.

Where Is He Now? - Our scouts have informed us that this species is currently wreaking the amazing benefits of working at a Dennys in Mobile, Alabama.

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Name That Celeb & Win a $10 Amazon Gift Card

Posted 12.07.2008 | 12:02 pm
3 Comments

Patrick Duffy

We’re introducing a new contest every month called Name That Celeb. The first person to comment and name the celebrity pictured above, will receive a $10 gift card to Amazon.com.

CONGRATULATIONS STEVE! He is the first winner of Name That Celeb!

Rules - One entry per person (We will be able to tell if you submitted multiple entries). You MUST leave your email address or else we have no way of contacting you to tell you that you’ve won. The winner will receive a $10 Amazon gift card by email from us which can be used to purchase anything on Amazon.com. Good luck!

Clue - Sometimes it’s better to take the stairs…

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The Flying Jessica Simpsquirrel - Jessica Simpson

Posted | 10:45 am
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The Flying Jessica Simpsquirrel - Jessica Simpson

Directions: Click inside the box below and press Ctrl+A (Command+A on a Mac) on your keyboard to select all of the text. Then press Ctrl+C (Mac: Command+C) to copy the text below. Now go to the section of your profile and press Ctrl+V (Mac: Command+V) to paste it into your profile. Note: The picture will be smaller than the one above.

Dietary Habits - Tends to eat grass, small insects and nuts. But as much as she loves having nuts in her mouth, her favorite food is tuna fish. However, she’s unsure to whether it is chicken or fish.

Wildlife Intelligence - This species isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer. Scientists have predicted that this little critter has an IQ of 37. It seems that the food she eats has a higher IQ than her.

Natural Enemies - The Flying Jessica Simpsquirrel (Jessica Simpson) has seen plenty of enemies come her way. Her arch enemy is singing in tune because without a recording studio, she is helpless.

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The Val Kilmupine - Val Kilmer

Posted 11.07.2008 | 9:35 pm
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The Val Kilmupine - Val Kilmer

Directions: Click inside the box below and press Ctrl+A (Command+A on a Mac) on your keyboard to select all of the text. Then press Ctrl+C (Mac: Command+C) to copy the text below. Now go to the section of your profile and press Ctrl+V (Mac: Command+V) to paste it into your profile. Note: The picture will be smaller than the one above.

Attributes - His unique attributes enable him to use his quills to defend himself. It literally makes him a giant prick.

Favorite Activities - Absolutely loves to read Vanity Fair Magazine as well as the “Help Wanted” section in the local newspaper.

Natural Talents - The Val Kilmupine (Val Kilmer) has many talents including acting like a porcupine, singing and wearing sun glasses. His biggest talent however, is the ability to douche.

Val Kilmer Image: John Griffiths

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New Site Features : The Celeb Finder

Posted | 5:55 pm
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Don\'t Feed The Celebs

Find what you’re looking for with 1 click. The Celeb Finder is the ultimate in celebrity animal documenting technology. Simply click the box, and browse by Celebrity Name, Animal Type, or Post Type.

Remember: Feeding the Celebs can result in loss of control of all bodily functions.

-Pete

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Disclaimer: Don't Feed The Celebs is a celebrity picture parody site and falls under the category of arts, satire and parody. Nothing on this site is meant to be taken seriously.This site is not affiliated with any celebrities or animals that appear on this site. No celebrities or animals were harmed in the making of this website.