The Jessica Albatross - Jessica Alba
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Wildlife Intelligence - This species is like way super intelligent and totally excellent at reading. In fact, researchers have concluded she actually ISN’T Smarter Than A Fifth Grader.
Physical Features - Has a very large belly as of late which makes it difficult for her to fly. Her long beak was once detached and used in A Clockwork Orange.
Natural Fanfare - The Jessica Albatross (Jessica Alba) is well received by all of the nations media outlets. In fact, the press offered her $0 for pictures of her new born baby. They basically think a package of Twinkies has more value to it.
YOU SHOULD LOVE ME!
I’M ONE OF THE ONES (celebrity…) THAT FAILED!
Love you!
Pascal.