Archive for July, 2008
Posted 19.07.2008 | 8:48 pm
Directions: Click inside the box below and press Ctrl+A (Command+A on a Mac) on your keyboard to select all of the text. Then press Ctrl+C (Mac: Command+C) to copy the text below. Now go to the section of your profile and press Ctrl+V (Mac: Command+V) to paste it into your profile. Note: The picture will be smaller than the one above.
Daily Life - Sometimes gets mistaken for a tree. She spends most of her day looking for the white pony and strategically planning her new clothing line at Big Lots.
Dietary Habits - Her favorite food is air. She finds that it provides her enough nutrients to fit into her -11 size jeans.
Natural Habits - Look here! We’ve caught the Kate Mosstrich (Kate Moss) in one of her frequent cocaine bumps. If you look closely at her face, you’ll notice the white powdery liquid flowing like the Nile River out of her nose. That keeps her alive.
Kate Moss Photo: Deon Maritz
This week in Pennsylvania, two men showed that even broke rednecks can hire a hitman. They allegedly hired a hitman and promised him a trash bag full of NASCAR memorabilia. My guess is that it had a retail value of $38. Anyway, the 2 guys were a father and son duo, making plotting a murder a good father-son bonding experience.
They wanted to get rid of a key witness in the father’s drug trial by making it look like a drug overdoes. Unfortunately for these guys, the inmate told authorities who then arrested these two outstanding individuals. Now they get to watch each other get their asses kicked in jail.
Read the Full Story
Posted 17.07.2008 | 5:44 pm
Directions: Click inside the box below and press Ctrl+A (Command+A on a Mac) on your keyboard to select all of the text. Then press Ctrl+C (Mac: Command+C) to copy the text below. Now go to the section of your profile and press Ctrl+V (Mac: Command+V) to paste it into your profile. Note: The picture will be smaller than the one above.
Videography - This little critter is one of my favorites. He’s good in every movie that he touches including American Psycho, Harsh Times and Batman Begins. He’s about to be the richest bat in the land once The Dark Knight.
Natural Enemies - His natural enemies are The Riddler, Two Face and the Joker. He’s been known to deflect bullets with his wings, giving the Steven Seagull a run for his money.
Physical Attributes - The Christian Brown Bat (Christian Bale) may look small in size, but his teeth have been known to bite through steel. He’s also been known to have the ability to mack it to Katie Holmes.
Now go out and enjoy The Dark Knight.
Posted 16.07.2008 | 8:27 pm
Directions: Click inside the box below and press Ctrl+A (Command+A on a Mac) on your keyboard to select all of the text. Then press Ctrl+C (Mac: Command+C) to copy the text below. Now go to the section of your profile and press Ctrl+V (Mac: Command+V) to paste it into your profile. Note: The picture will be smaller than the one above.
Daily Routines - The Henry Winklynx (Henry Winkler) engages in routine activities such as eating, hunting and saying “Ehhh.” His favorite activity is sun bathing, however if he stays in the sun for more than 20 minutes, his plastic hair will melt.
Hibernation Patterns - This species tends to hibernate every five years. He sometimes comes out of hibernation to make appearances at high school dances and your local Walmart.
Physical Attributes - His leather jacket allows him to jump 15 cars with his motorcycle. Scientists have concluded that his thumb has gone from a curvy “thumbs-up” motion, to a curled up knuckle that extends deep into his rectum.
Posted 15.07.2008 | 10:06 pm
Directions: Click inside the box below and press Ctrl+A (Command+A on a Mac) on your keyboard to select all of the text. Then press Ctrl+C (Mac: Command+C) to copy the text below. Now go to the section of your profile and press Ctrl+V (Mac: Command+V) to paste it into your profile. Note: The picture will be smaller than the one above.
Physical Features - Has comparable physical features to that of a Mack truck; she’s large, very loud and gives off a lot of gas.
Dietary Habits - The Brigitte Nielsteer (Brigitte Nielsen) loves to eat anything and everything. Careful folks, don’t look in her eyes, or else she will make you want 45 plastic surgeries in a month.
Mating Calls - Her resonating moos can be heard from miles away. She’s attracted both the Sylvester Stallion as well as the Flava Flamingo, which goes to show you that she is 100% aniwhore.
Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, children of all ages, you are about to witness one of the ugliest battles in the history of old people fights. In the red corner, standing at 5 foot 3, 178 pounds, the Show Stoppa, and self-proclaimed Bed-Wetter, Uncle Jose! In the blue corner, standing at 5 foot 6, 185 pounds, the Ladies Man, the man banned from bingo at his nursing home, Grandpa Ricardo! Ready, Set, FIGHT!
Posted 14.07.2008 | 7:37 pm
Directions: Click inside the box below and press Ctrl+A (Command+A on a Mac) on your keyboard to select all of the text. Then press Ctrl+C (Mac: Command+C) to copy the text below. Now go to the section of your profile and press Ctrl+V (Mac: Command+V) to paste it into your profile. Note: The picture will be smaller than the one above.
Videography - This critter has seen the cameras quite frequently. His most memorable nature films include Encino Man, Airheads and Bedazzled. His new film The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, reminds us that sometimes movies should not have sequels to sequels.
Wildlife Talents - Has plenty of talents such as scurrying, scavenging for food/screenplays and acting (which he hasn’t quite grasped yet).
Primal Instincts - The Brendan Frashrew’s (Brendan Fraser) most feared instinct is his sense of vision. It’s been rumored that if he see’s a shitty movie script coming, he will instantly want to act in it.
Posted 13.07.2008 | 10:07 pm
Directions: Click inside the box below and press Ctrl+A (Command+A on a Mac) on your keyboard to select all of the text. Then press Ctrl+C (Mac: Command+C) to copy the text below. Now go to the section of your profile and press Ctrl+V (Mac: Command+V) to paste it into your profile. Note: The picture will be smaller than the one above.
Habitat - This species has lived in many habitats, however his most recent living space is in the basement of the NBC building in New York City.
Physical Activities - Enjoys flying, clawing at other celebimals and loves being taken off the endangered species list. His favorite activity is hugging canteen boys, because he just can’t get enough of their innocence.
Primal Instincts - The Alec Bald Eaglewin (Alec Baldwin) is also sometimes referred to as the Televisionius Whoreoues & can often be heard leaving angry voicemail messagess for his daughter.
Directions: Click inside the box below and press Ctrl+A (Command+A on a Mac) on your keyboard to select all of the text. Then press Ctrl+C (Mac: Command+C) to copy the text below. Now go to the section of your profile and press Ctrl+V (Mac: Command+V) to paste it into your profile. Note: The picture will be smaller than the one above.
Physical Traits - The Gallaghapagos Turtle (Gallagher) is a very large specimen. His shell is lightweight and meant for him to have increase speed. However it is about as effective as outdated prop comedy.
Natural Abilities - Knows how to swing a hammer and crush fruit, mainly watermelons. He’s famous mostly for his ability to disappear.
Where Is He Now? - Our scouts have informed us that this species is currently wreaking the amazing benefits of working at a Dennys in Mobile, Alabama.
Posted 12.07.2008 | 12:02 pm
 
We’re introducing a new contest every month called Name That Celeb. The first person to comment and name the celebrity pictured above, will receive a $10 gift card to Amazon.com.
CONGRATULATIONS STEVE! He is the first winner of Name That Celeb!
Rules - One entry per person (We will be able to tell if you submitted multiple entries). You MUST leave your email address or else we have no way of contacting you to tell you that you’ve won. The winner will receive a $10 Amazon gift card by email from us which can be used to purchase anything on Amazon.com. Good luck!
Clue - Sometimes it’s better to take the stairs…
|
