Posted 18.08.2008 | 7:56 pm
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Natural Strengths - This species excels at making sitcoms, lip syncing and wearing bell bottoms. However this fine celebimal is the exact opposite of wine, he actually gets worse with age.
Wildlife Tendencies - He tends to be a little aggressive towards other animals, especially related ones. He once slugged another badger in the jaw because he was told he had a small wiener.
Videography - The Danny Bonabadger (Danny Bonaduce) likes to appear in TV shows that get canceled after one season. He’s been deemed the Milli Vanilli of reality television.
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Posted 14.08.2008 | 6:52 pm
She’s such a hip reporter…. until her face ends up in a big pile.
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Posted 13.08.2008 | 8:38 pm
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Natural Abilities - When this species makes eye contact with the opposite sex, she has the rare ability make any man go limp.
Physical Features - This critter’s bare physical features were recorded and photographed by numerous camera men. Unfortunately, once they developed the photos, they instantly jumped off of a cliff.
Videography - The Whooptopus Goldberg (Whoopi Goldberg) has been in such nature films as Sister Act, Corrina Corrina & The Little Rascals, giving hope to aspiring talentless actresses everywhere.
Whoopi Goldberg Photo: Daniel Langer and Comic Relief, Inc.
Octopus Photo: Albert Kok
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Posted 05.08.2008 | 9:19 pm
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Daily Diet - Loves to feed on honey, salmon and bibles. His favorite food is his ego, which sometimes turns into a flying spaghetti monster.
Natural Habits - The Mel Gibzzly Bear (Mel Gibson) loves to get his drink on. He was last seen doing body shots off of the David Hasselhorse’s (David Hasselhoff) cleavage.
Videography - This species was in several Nature films such as Braveheart and Mad Max. His most notable role came in the acclaimed movie What Women Want, which earned $47.
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Posted 04.08.2008 | 7:10 pm
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Mating Calls - This species serenades the female jaguars with his loud screeching and hip thrusting.
Physical Traits - His long shaggy hair is really an old wig which he physically had sodered onto his head.
Wildlife Procedures - The Mick Jagguar (Mick Jagger) has surprisingly not had any plastic surgery done. But when we look at the above picture, we are reminded of a 90 year old mans ass crack.
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Posted 31.07.2008 | 9:47 pm
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Wildlife Intelligence - This species is like way super intelligent and totally excellent at reading. In fact, researchers have concluded she actually ISN’T Smarter Than A Fifth Grader.
Physical Features - Has a very large belly as of late which makes it difficult for her to fly. Her long beak was once detached and used in A Clockwork Orange.
Natural Fanfare - The Jessica Albatross (Jessica Alba) is well received by all of the nations media outlets. In fact, the press offered her $0 for pictures of her new born baby. They basically think a package of Twinkies has more value to it.
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Posted 30.07.2008 | 9:09 pm
Smart cops earn medals. But then again so do stupid ones. In Minneapolis, MN a SWAT team was honored with awards and medals for their actions when they stormed and raided the wrong house. That’s right, they broke into the wrong house. The owner was scared shitless so he ran and grabbed his shotgun to defend his 6 children. After returning gunfire for a little bit, the violence finally ceased. Luckily no one was harmed, except the cops egos.
Anyway, these morons got honored for screwing their job up. What’s the world coming to? They pretty much shit on the family who’s house they broke into. Gotta love putting your kids to bed and then having a battering ram come through your door. Nothing says “Sleep Tight” like semi-automatic gun shots.
Read the Full Story
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Posted 29.07.2008 | 8:56 pm
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Natural Abilities - Is great at being the hobo of the bird kingdom. Is excellent at eating bread, scavenging and pooping everywhere. Was once locked in a dumpster, but yeh, he got out.
Videography - Was in such wildlife documentaries as PCU, Old School and Smokin Aces. His most notable role is playing Ari Gold in the hit HBO show Entourage where he coincidentally poops on everything including people.
Physical Appearance - The Jeremy Pigeon (Jeremy Piven) is a rare species. He has the body of a young pigeon and is balding faster than Sinead O’Connor. Researchers say it’s only a matter of days before he will join the Hair Club For Men.
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Posted 28.07.2008 | 8:51 pm
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Natural Abilities - Excels at performing tasks related to white collar crime. She’s also been known to get less jail time by baking cakes for her inmates.
Dietary Habits - This species mainly eats flies, gnats and other insects. She often feeds off her own self satisfaction which comes in the form of liquid evil.
Wildlife Talents - The Martha Stewmeleon (Martha Stewart) is talented in many ways which include sewing, housekeeping and wrapping her tongue around long objects. She’s also one of the best at running a sweat shop. The world is truly a better place with her clothing line in K-Mart.
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Posted 25.07.2008 | 7:19 pm
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Daily Activities - This little guy loves to spend his days in his hamster wheel. However, he easily gets winded, so this doesn’t last long.
Videography - Famous for his sensational role in Twins, this critter has graced such movies as Batman Returns & Space Jam and television shows such as Reno 911 & It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. At least he’s staying out of the circus.
Physical Attributes - The Danny Dehamster (Danny Devito) is truly a creature of beauty. Unfortunately both of this little guys arms were lost during a hot dog eating contest. His double chin lets us know that he needs to be fed every 2 hours.
Danny Devito Picture: Glenn Francis
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